The Ambridge Socialist

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
2nd September 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Ambridge: it’s personal
The end of August may be a less than riveting time for Archers script writers and so events in Ambridge remain relentlessly personal in a way perhaps only matched by the final week of Big Brother.

Nic and Will are continuing their kissy, kissy activities which makes Will sound even more creepy and forelock tugging than ever, if such a thing is possible. Meanwhile Mike Tucker having faced the reality that he is deeply tedious is struggling with his lonely hearts ad. Finally Brenda is proving that anyone who moves in the orbit of Matt Crawford quickly becomes as odious as he is himself. So the scene is nicely set for some fascinating autumn story lines zzzzz….

Ambridge Editor Keith Flett said, As ever we can see the Archers as a symbol of the current New Labour Broon administration. Safe and very very boring but underneath it all there is still a war going on.

Aunt Hilda….
A new character has appeared in the Archers. Fortunately we did not need to sample Aunt Hilda’s acting ability to find out that she was dead, she came to the Archers already dead, which is probably rather prudent. She is allegedly Eddie Grundy’s aunt and she may have left Will something in her will as it were. We suspect it may be a message advising him to give up on the acting as it is getting him nowhere.

On Tractors and the Produce Show
Yes the scriptwriter who is interested in vintage tractors is back and it will soon be time once again for that yearly exercise in existential angst, the produce show. As Billy Bragg sang in Levi Stubbs Tears, ‘when the world falls apart some things stay in place’..

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
August 26th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Ambridge and the exotic
The arrival of an exotic or burlesque dancer in Ambridge may well be a first for Ambridge but not perhaps surprising since the production of the Archers moved to its current central Birmingham location. There is no sign yet of a performance upstairs at the Bull, but Scarlett is apparently the owner of what was previously known as the worm of Ambridge, in reality a boa constrictor that is used in her stage act.

Ambridge Editor Keith Flett said, We have had Matt Crawford’s attendances at various strip clubs [straight not gay or trans] and Hazel Woolley’s apparent involvement with perhaps dubious films but this is the first time that a dancer has appeared in Ambridge itself. This kind of thing is meant to appeal to the core Daily Telegraph reading audience and then again it is also August.

Sunday 31st August 1997: never again
It was the final Sunday in August 10 years ago this week. The great warleader Mr Bliar was already PM, busy with his plans for never ending war. But on that Sunday morning Archers listeners tuning into the Omnibus edition of the Archer heard not an everyday story of country folk but music. The reason? Lady Diana Spencer had died. Then as now we didn’t care, but it was a mistake by the BBC that was to lead to many others. The music did not bring Lady Di back, but it did deprive Archers listeners of the news that once again nothing had happened in Ambridge during the previous week. Fortunately now we have the interweb with plot synopsis and listen again, so the message to any Royals planning to die in interesting circumstances next Sunday is: forget it; 10 years on the Archers will go on.

Self Awareness dawns again in the Archers
‘Witty, me?’ Mike Tucker, August 26th

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
August 19th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Alice: where is Stop the War?
So Alice has got her A Level results and is off to Southampton prior to taking up a position with the RAF. Yes it challenges heterosexist assumptions. But where are the voices challenging the warmongering of the British armed forces- at least its leaders- and the dangers of any posting with the constant wars that British forces are involved with?

Ambridge Editor Keith Flett said, it would seem that the transition of the Archers from Daily Telegraph house soap to New Labour blog is almost complete.

Another Kissy, Kissy moment
One of the things that Archers scriptwriters have been keenest on I recent times has taken place again. We refer of course to the noises associated with sexual activity. On this occasion the kissy, kissy moment took place between forelock tugger Will and his new special friend Nic. It may not have been as toe curling as Sid and Jolene in the shower but it is early days yet.

Brian: self awareness dawns at last
Brian has mostly not been big on self awareness down the years although in the hands of different scriptwriters he has been a contradictory character, sometimes exhibiting strangely liberal views for a usually reactionary character. Now however self awareness has dawned. Faced with Alice’s refusal of his champagne and cheque he exclaimed that he could never say anything right. And on that point he was right.

12th August 2007: August Angst in Ambridge…?

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
August 12th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

The foot and mouth crisis appears to be slowly passing so the need to rewrite Archers episodes in August is also declining. Instead more humdrum matters are coming to the fore. William Grundy’s new special friend Nic is getting plenty of airtime- she appears to be a character of total blandness ideally suited to forelock tugger Will-as is Brenda Tucker in her new role as Matt Crawford’s representative on earth

Ambridge Editor Keith Flett said, never mind the rain and foot and mouth, nothing can disturb the fundamental jollity of the residents of Ambridge for long. After all with Mr Brown well ahead in the polls what have they to complain about?

The Worm of Ambridge…
One can think of a number of possible recipients for the title of ‘worm of Ambridge’…Matt Crawford, Kenton Archer, William Grundy, Sid Perks. The list is a long one. In reality [Archers style of course] the worm is in fact a snake that has been spotted at Grey Gables and the Church. Some snakes, including Adders, are native to the British countryside…

A classic Archers moment
It is not often that Lynda Snell gets to deliver a classic Archers line but she was allowed to do so on Sunday August 12th, Eating in a Thai restaurant she proclaimed to her husband, ‘Robert, you’re wittering’

5th August 2007: Foot & Mouth crisis: agricultural stories editor to the rescue

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
August 5th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Foot & Mouth crisis: agricultural stories editor to the rescue
The Ambridge Socialist’s complaints of a fortnight ago that Ambridge was dry while other adjacent parts of Hereford and Worcester were very wet [even the Worcester beer festival has been cancelled] have hit home. The veteran agricultural stories editor of the Archers Graham Harvey has been quizzed by Eddie Mair on PM about the topicality of the Archers.

As Ambridge Socialist readers will know it is all very difficult. The Archers is a daily serial but it is not a daily paper. It attempts to be contemporaneous but is actually recorded weeks in advance.

Harvey revealed that during the flooding crisis scripts [that is pre-recorded programmes] were purged on a daily basis of references to harvesting and cricket matches. But he claimed, in a stark reminder of who sets the agenda on the Archers, that it could not lead off on major events like flooding in case it appeared to sensationalise them. In the words of spin doctors this would be ‘not helpful’ so the Archers follows rather than leads.

Even so full marks to the Archers on Sunday August 5th, the first edition since the foot and mouth crisis broke on 3rd August for featuring a conversation between Adam and the vicar about it.

Ambridge Editor Keith Flett said, the problem is that the farming fraternity spent the first weekend of August, understandably, obsessed by foot and mouth. How come Gordon Brown didn’t appear in the Bull to sound a note of reassurance. We suspect the idea was considered.

29th July 2007: Here comes the rain again…

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
July 29th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Here comes the rain again…
It wasn’t raining again this week in Ambridge which was quite remarkable as it was everywhere else. Nancy Banks Smith noted as much in the Guardian [27/7]. What was managed was a script insert where Ian and Adam talked about the impact of rain on their maize maze. It’s all about recording the Archers weeks in advance which might have been OK for a daily soap in 1957 but doesn’t fit with the 24/7 world of 2007 Ambridge Editor Keith Flett said, 'change has got to come as the Stranglers sang in 1977'.

Daveed and Vengeance
Daveed doesn’t do angry and in any case he is a Parish Councillor. The Ambridge Socialist is all for direct action but surely as an upstanding bourgeois if Daveed has a view on who was responsible for dumping the yew clippings that led to the demise of four of his cows then Inspector Knacker is his man.

22nd July 2007: Mentioning the war? Alice set to join RAF

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
July 22nd 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Mentioning the war? Alice set to join RAF
So Alice has revealed her intention to join the RAF which provided a moment of interest at Jack’s 180th birthday party, and of course predictable consternation from Jennifer. However could it be that at last this will mean that the Archers will have to mention the war? After all the RAF is certainly involved in Iraq and Afghanistan although in both cases it is the army that is primarily engaged in the illegal wars Ambridge Editor Keith Flett said, surely Jennifer will have to say that she is worried about the war, even if signing up for Military Families Against the War might be a bit much for the BBC?

Will & Nic Whinge Fest
So Will has found a new special friend, ‘Nic’ [a female type person, this is not Ambridge’s second out relationship] and they are both engaging in a whinge fest about their former partners. How interesting is that? Not very in our view

Ambridge Micro-Climate?
On Friday it rained more in Borsetshire than in living memory, but so far the BBC’s version of life in Ambridge hasn’t as much even as an umbrella let alone a canoe or [hint] an RAF rescue helicopter. Nigel has been waffling on about climate change but it seems that moving from the theory to the practice is a bit of a challenge.

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
July 15th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Bert Fry: Rural Poet Laureate?
Now that the post of children’s poet laureate is well established, the current occupant is Michael Rosen, it is surely time for a rural equivalent and on current form Bert Fry is the man for the job. His ‘don’t mention the war’ poem was sub-Fawlty Towers and we are sure that he can do worse than that. Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said, I wandered lonely as an Archers actor, or something like that.

Cheese
It has been announced that Borsetshire Blue is up for the national cheese awards [a business rather than a consumer led affair] and with Oliver Sterling’s new cheese craft cheese production is booming in Ambridge. We know about the Grundy’s cider, but surely there is now room for an Ambridge micro-brewery? Nigel Pargetter is the man for the job.

Daveed and Anger Management
Several of Rooth and Daveed’s cows have died after they ate dumped waste. This was a matter that should have made Daveed very angry indeed. Unfortunately Daveed doesn’t do anger so instead he appeared to be mildly peeved.

Elsewhere in Ambridge
Brian, Alice, Jennifer, Ruairi. The usual angst… Also Will has found a potential new partner. In short as usual in Ambridge life goes on much the same…

8 July 2007: Brownfields

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
July 8th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Brownfields
It seems unlikely that a very busy man like Gordon Brown has time to listen to the Archers, while as we know the programme was regarded as a key message vehicle by his predecessor or at least his predecessor’s spin doctors. At the moment then we can only speculate what a Brown Ambridge would be like. However we know enough about the new PM after 10 years to have a fairly good idea how it would be configured:-

o An emphasis on training and skills. Bert Fry to become Union Learning rep for Ambridge
o Efficiency rules: Matt Crawford to be given the remit to ‘rationalise’ and ‘modernise’ farming in Ambridge
o An embracement of the market-a new Ambridge cricket pitch, sports stadium and skills centre to be built under a PPP scheme.

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said, One can’t imagine Gordon Brown having too much time for a radio programme that has been running since the 1950s. Modernise or depart will be the Ambridge catch phrase for the Brown era.

Once again on the weather
The Royal Show was curtailed thanks to heavy rain last week, but not if you listened to the Archers where discussion of it continued as normal. At the same time farmers claimed that heavy rain was destroying crops of peas, potatoes, well whatever they happened to grow actually. Why complain? They can charge more. However this ‘crisis’ also remained unremarked on in Ambridge. Could it be that a microclimate is at work here?

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
June 24th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

You don’t need a weatherman
Even in the proletarian heartlands of North London we’ve noticed it’s been raining a bit recently. Oop North it would seem [that is to say broadly beyond the M25] there have been floods. Except it would seem in Ambridge. No news of the River Am breaking its banks; no news of transport problems. In fact no news of weather at all. Of course in central Birmingham it has, no doubt, been raining as little as North London, although in fairness there was a flood in Brum a few weeks back. But the Archers is really meant to be about somewhere between Birmingham and mid-Wales, more Hereford than Worcester say. And we can’t help noticing that Worcester is the location of the newly created national flood centre. Could someone tell the Archers scripwriters.

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett, aged 50, said, In fact running the wet, wet, wet storyline could give Nigel the chance to do an extended riff on global warming thus giving us a break from the Ruairi story…

The biggest storyline..?
According to Nicholas Lezard, writing in the Independent on Sunday on July 1st the arrival of Ruairi on Ambridge [well in Dublin actually but this is radio] is possibly the biggest storyline the Archers has ever run. Perhaps so, but if so, why? Is it because of the challenge to the nuclear family that the matter implies? Is it because of deeper rooted questions about the inheritance of Home Farm- Ruairi being Brian’s only actual son? Or is it about questions of respectable behaviour or otherwise? We’re not too sure but after all the hoo-ha about Emma, Ed and Will, essentially proletarian characters, we await with interest to see how Brian’s fortunes fare at the other end of the class divide

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
June 24th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Brian Aldridge: ‘proven liar’
Alice continues to get the best lines in the Archers. She called Brian a ‘proven liar’ which suggests that an Ambridge appearance by the nation’s other most well known proven liar Mr Blair is close.

We are told by the BBC’s spin-masters that the virtual [see below] appearance of Ruairi in Ambridge will reveal to the inhabitants of Ambridge that Brian is a cad and a bounder. Rural idiocy and all that but surely they realised that some while back. Perhaps then they took a look at some other village characters such as Matt and Sid and concluded that Brian was not perhaps quite so bad

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett, aged 50, said, We sense that someone is going to hit Brian, but we believe that his mission to undermine the bourgeois family is admirable

Ruairi Weirdness
In the old days the Telegraph used to be the chosen medium for the Archers team to leak background details of events. However life has moved on and New Labour is in charge, so these days the Warmongers Gazette, sometimes still known as the Observer, is the vehicle where we read the latest from Ambridge. It would seem that there is some angst about the child actor who will play Ruairi who is very youthful [particularly for an Archers character]and will record his utterances from Dublin. These will then be digitally inserted at the appropriate moment. This striving for accuracy of accent and age seems absolutely at odds with the greatest traditions of the Archers. What are they thinking of?

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
June 17th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Alice on Brian: gross
Receiving the news that Brian had had a child, Ruari [who is rather quiet, is he on the gin?], with Siobhan, Alice described the matter as 'gross' which is bad news for Ming Campbell's campaign to make the more senior of our citizens as good as the next person.

Indeed when Alice was told the happy news by Jennifer and Brian she had one of the best scripts in the Archers for a while. She was fantastically teenage, a rebel without a cause and all that.

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett, aged 50, said, It's true that at 63 Brian must seem ancient to Alice, but as socialists we are opposed to ageism.

You don't need a weatherman?
Leaving aside the low melodrama of the Lillian/Mike dalliance angst seizes Ambridge; Jennifer, Adam, Peggy. The key to all this was laid bare when Adam mentioned the key phrase 'Big Brother'. Yes, indeed the BBC has Channel 4 in its sights.

Angst at cricket too
There is something happening, here what it is ain't entirely clear as Buffalo Springfield have it. There seems to be great and perpetual unrest in the Ambridge cricket side. We say, sack Sid Perks and all will be well.

the real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
June 10th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

A funeral but no weddings
So. Farewell then Siobhan, whose funeral took place on 8th June. That’s the character not the actor of course, although sometimes in Ambridge it is hard to tell the difference. Nothing of actual note happened [of course]except for a strangely liberal priest who seemed rather relaxed about Brian’s lack of interest in religion, and his son out of marriage.

The latest is that Brian can’t bring himself to speak to Jennifer since the funeral and instead has confided in Daveed. So what? If the lines are not in the script then Brian can’t say them. Mystery solved

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett, aged 50, said, the angst is set to continue for the whole summer of course, which may be an entirely appropriate backdrop to the national gloom that is likely to set the tone of a Brown Premiership..

Strawberries and the class struggle
It is peak strawberry picking time, and normally we would be getting quite a punnet full of it in the Archers. But so far this year, Jennifer’s inability to make the Strawberry Fayre due to general debility aside, silence rules. Could it be a desire to avoid any awkward questions, pace Gadd’s organic bananas, as to exactly how much Adam is paying the strawberry picking proletarians and what their working conditions are? At the very least we hope that TGWU [Unite] organisers are at work.

3 June 2007: Ambridge Generation Gap Crisis

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
June 3rd 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Ambridge Generation Gap Crisis
On radio you can go on more or less forever which is just as well for the Archers as a crisis of seniority looms. Siobhan may have given in to her agent’s demands to find more interesting and lucrative roles, and departed, Ambridge wise only, at a relatively youthful age, but Ambridge as a whole is very seriously ageing, as is we suspect its audience.

For example:-
Brian Aldridge-63
Daveeed Archer-47
Nigel Pargetter-47
Neil Carter-50
Eddie Grundy-56
Lynda Snell-60
Sid Perks-62
Robert Snell-64
Joe Grundy-85

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett, aged 50, said, if there was any public transport in Ambridge, free bus passes would be a big issue. The generation of people in their 30s seems to be, er missing, perhaps having defected to other soaps.

Blair farewell tour to hit Ambridge
Nowhere would the great warmonger’s message of the need for political intervention for moral ends be better received that in Ambridge where moralising is truly an everday tale of country folk. So Blair still has a few weeks to drop in to the Bull to rouse the regulars to a chorus of ‘things can only get better’, although it must be admitted that this is an unlikely Ambridge sentiment.

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
27 May 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Chelsea Flower Show Comfort Zone

It may be the 50^th anniversary of Test Match Special [see below] but nothing can beat the Archers for comfort listening- at least if you are a middle-class inhabitant of Muswell Hill and the like. This week we?ve heard Jennifer and Peggy at the Chelsea Flower Show [gardening for the rich as done by their gardeners]while Lilian took Jack to the Bull for lunch so he could reminiscence about the Boer War. Yes, indeed, on the Archers things can only get better

John Major visit still looms

The obsession with cricket in Ambridge continues. Now arch homophobia as opined that almost the gay in the village Adam must be rested and fit so he can play a star role in the cricket on Sunday. It is difficult to grasp whether this is a precursor to finding John Major wandering across the village green [neatly avoiding any stray cones] to sip a pint of warm beer in the Bull, or the forthcoming merger of Test Match Special, The Archers and Gardeners Question Time in some sort of new Supersoap.

Once Again on Ruairi

The end appears to be near for Siobhan which will be a relief for her agent with other commitments to fulfil, but meanwhile a cruel and unusual punishment is in view for Ruairi who will be forcibly relocated to Ambridge and inculcated into the villages unique form of rural idiocy.

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
6 May 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Parish Council Elections: Results
The results the BBC didn’t want you to know about…

o New Labour….Matt Crawford- 24
o Friends of Dave…Susan Carter- 105
o LibDems..Lynda Snell- 65
o Ambridge Residents….Daveed Archer-125
o Greens…Pat Archer-41
o CPB..Bert Fry-12
o UKIP….Sid Perks-87

Once again the Archer’s dynasty rules and forelock tugging can continue as usual. It must be said however that Daveed is at the liberal end as patricians go.

Brian and Jennifer in Ireland
Nothing happened. If you missed it, don’t bother with Listen Again.

NEW LABOUR CRISIS: ‘HUMOUR’ DOMINATES AMBRIDGE
It wasn’t just Matt Crawford. New Labour didn’t do too well in the polls on Thursday, and nor did the LibDems either. That means that ‘new’ Archers listeners- the ones the scriptwriters and the BBC covet will have been feeling a bit fed up this week. Cue some Ambridge ‘humour’. Some of this involved Lynda Snell. We aren’t quite sure what because the Ambridge Socialist Editorial Board was picking its collective nose at those moments. We did however hear Bert and his tour guide escapades. And most particularly the hilarious fancy dress escapades leading up to the May Day Bank Holiday bike ride. Oh how we… groaned.

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
April 30 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

10 Years of Ambridge Under New Labour
Always supposing that we can’t actually blame Blair for foot and mouth, and given the fact that no one in Ambridge yet knows that we illegally invaded in Iraq, it would be fair to say that the world has gone on much the same in the Archers in the last 10 years. The really odd thing-particularly given his love of celebrity and appearances in other soaps like the Simpsons is that Blair has never made a visit to the village. Perhaps he thinks it is Prince Charles’ manor… and he might be right.

New Angst as Brian heads for Ireland
The future of Home Farm continued to rest in the balance this week, and with it the balance of class forces in Ambridge. Brian looks set to join Siobhan in Ireland, while he fulfils his other broadcasting commitments, and is pleading with Jennifer to join him. That would leave Adam in charge and Debbie in Hungary. Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said as they used to say ten years ago, things can only get better

Parish Council Elections: List of Candidates
· New Labour….     Matt Crawford
· Friends of Dave [previously known
as the Conservative Party]….     Susan Carter
· LibDems....         Lynda Snell
· Ambridge Residents….              Daveed Archer
· Greens….           Pat Archer
· CPB....              Bert Fry
· UKIP….              Sid Perks

Bert starts work as a guide
At least it was still significantly funnier than Milton Jones.

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
April 23 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

BBC censors Parish Council Elections
Parish Council Elections are due in Ambridge on May 3rd and, as is often the case, the BBC’s version of life in Ambridge is doing its best to ignore them.

The only reference so far has been to Daveed making a mental note of the need to get in his nomination papers, standing again as a LibDem candidate. Lynda Snell is set to do likewise. There was also a mention of a lack of opposition, but Unite Against Fascism has highlighted that the BNP has started to stand in a number of Parish Council elections. That however is going too far for the BBC as is any possible candidacies from the left. For example Bert Fry’s Communist Party of Britain is standing, with very little hope in the view of the Ambridge Socialist, a full slate of candidates in the Welsh Assembly Elections, not so far from Ambridge.

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said, "As ever the BBC is seeking to ignore the politics of Ambridge. The Ambridge Socialist will carry full reports over the next couple of weeks, including an election day special."

Brian: Should he stay or should he go?
Go. To Dublin that is.

Ambridge Cricket Season Starts
Given that Duncan Fletcher has finally departed how come Sid Perks is still, apparently, hanging around as an Ambridge cricket team selector?

Time for a purge we say.

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
April 16 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

As the Buffalo Springfield song has it ‘there’s something happening here; what it is ain’t exactly clear’. Leaving aside the conundrum over how to spell the name Ruari, although the BBC mostly opt for this version but sometimes add an extra ‘I’ for dramatic effect, the issue is what does the Brian, Siobhan, Jennifer angst slam actually represent.

Visitors to the BBC’s website are currently coming down 60-40 in favour of Jennifer and given the preponderance of wimmin on the Editorial Board of the Archers [about which the Ambridge Socialist has no complaint except we prefer the class to the gender struggle] it may be simply to point out that middle aged [or senior actually, Brian is over 60] men are not to be trusted. This is a perfectly reasonable point, if hardly a novel one.

On the other hand surely there should be some sympathy for Siobhan the single mother [thanks to Brian] who has a potentially terminal illness and a young son. So tied up is she in matters that the Archers have not even allowed her to celebrate the victories of the Irish cricket team- which would be a very Archers thing to do.

Or is the storyline really about the demise and break-up of Home Farm leaving the Archers once again the predominant bourgeois in this part of Borsetshire. Come summer, given the Archers usual progress, we may know.

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said "It is touch and go whether the Brian, Siobhan storyline or Blair’s Premiership finishes first. The two are clearly closely related."

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
April 9 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Brian: regrets I have a few...

From time to time the Archers does its best to compete with Eastenders and Corrie. It rarely achieves this satisfactorily because it is historically rather less keen on murder as a way of solving personal angst than the TV soaps.

Nevertheless the return of Siobhan to Ambridge, the news of her cancer, and the subsequent turmoil in the lives of Brian, Jennifer, et al and etc has been dramatic. Whether the timing was brilliant may be open to question, since the Archers, normally so adept at flagging up events of this kind in the media, has made little impact over Easter. Not even Nicholas Lezard, whose reputation as the premiere Archers critic may be slipping has said nothing.

There can be no doubt however that it is more than time to junk Barwick Green as the Archers theme and replace it with My Way, not the tedium of the Frank Sinatra version but the ultimate edginess of Sid Vicious coming down that staircase. Whether Charles Collingwood could be persuaded to do a remake complete with leather jacket and guitar...

Since we can be virtually certain that it won't end with a murder, but probably with a few nods to some time honoured Thomas Hardy and Shakespeare plot lines, we can expect over acting from Jennifer and angst from Siobhan for some weeks to come.

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said: It is a melodrama consistent with the final few weeks of the Blair Dynasty.

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
April 2 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Oyez Oyez. While Eddie has to do a shout in Italian, Bert Fry has got to do one in Swedish. The Ambridge Socialist says: to whichever of the Archers script-writers is involved in a Town Crier contest, give it a bleeding rest please.

Pre-Easter Concerns of the Petit-Bourgeoisie
Meanwhile middle-class neurosis continue to dominate in Ambridge, although the more morbid of these [see the front pages of the Daily Mail and Daily Express passim] are not currently featuring in the Archers, thankfully. Some that are include:-

Bio-Fuels
Matt has asked Adam what he is doing about bio-fuels at Home Farm. Adam sensing, correctly, that Matt has no interest in saving the planet and every interest in profit, has told him to clear off.

Whine
Nigel is continuing with own label Lower Loxley Whine. Needless to say the key things here are the shape of the bottle and the design of the label. No doubt the wine is OK

Artisan Cheese
Meanwhile in the 'keep Prince Charles happy' department of the Archers scriptwriting team Oliver and Helen are making progress with producing Ambridge's first designer un-pasteurised artisan cheese. Again no doubt the cheese will be marvellous.

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
March 19 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Once Again On Drink
Sometimes the weather gets set into a pattern that it just can't shift, and so it is with the Archers. Drink still dominates in Ambridge and if you don't believe the Ambridge Socialist on this take a look at the BBC website. In its pages devoted to the Archers a weekly poll is held. Last week surfers were asked if Lillian or Eddie was more likely to break their vow of abstinence for Lent first. This week's poll asks whether Lillian should confess to Matt that she is drinking [amazingly so up themselves are hardcore Archers fans that 41% say 'yes' which will represent several thousand people].

So Ambridge is set to turn to drink for at least another two weeks. With that in mind it is probably just as well that this week sees CAMRA's annual London Drinker Beer and Cider Festival, staged opposite Kings Cross station. If we can't get rid of the Archers obsession with drink, at least we can have something worthwhile to drink while it drones on.

HOME FARM: PRIVATE EQUITY LOOMS?
We do wish that Archers scriptwriters would study the latest manias of capitalism more closely. Debbie, who manages much of what takes place at Home Farm for Borsetshire Land has come to the conclusion that most of it would be better done by contracting the whole thing out. That is doubtful given the propensity of contractors to employ very cheap labour to raise their profit margins, but it also misses the point. If the work is going to be done by contractors then the current trend is to make sure that they regulate it themselves with fairly minimal checks from the person who owns the contract. That means there is no need at all to employ an expensive farm manager like Debbie. Isn't capitalism fantastic?!

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
March 19 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

On Drink
As regular readers will know in yet another of the religiously inspired storylines of the Archers, Lillian and Eddie signed the pledge for Lent together with an accompanying agreement to donate money to Church funds. The Ambridge Socialist is prepared to believe that this kind of thing still goes on somewhere, but for it to become the main storyline in the Archers is surely pushing matters rather a lot.

Matters have reached a dramatic highpoint this week with Eddie and Lillian rendezvousing outside the Bull on that other crescendo of fun, Red Nose Day, to take an illicit sip from a can of lager that Eddie had prepared earlier.

An earlier edition had taken as its dramatic centrepiece an attempt by Joe to get Lillian to have some whisky in her tea, but more excitement was too come. On Sunday Matt quizzed Lilian about an alleged sherry trifle she was making. Matt sung the virtues of Elderflower Presse and offered Lillian a trip to New York if she continued to keep the pledge.

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said Socialists are well aware both of the perils of drink and of the distraction that going on about it can bring as well. If we have another two weeks of this it will be enough to drive people to drink.

o Next Week in Ambridge: Debbie is back from her other acting commitments and the story line returns to Brian selling the farm [see Ambridge Socialist passim]

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
March 12th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Selling the Farm
So Brian Aldridge, 62, is thinking of selling the farm. What motivates these thoughts we’re not sure. It could be a later-life crisis over his son; it might be a realisation that with Debbie getting acting honours elsewhere, Charles Collingwood needs to move on to if he is to get recognition for his acting talent. Or it might be a grasp of the way British capitalism is going and a belief that private equity is the way forward for capitalism. Then the farm can be asset stripped and turned into a housing estate, providing many new characters and storylines for the Archers. Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said One thing we can be sure about. Whatever happens about this particular storyline, it won’t happen quickly.

Mind how you go there son…
Traffic police are delighted that a character in the BBC Radio 4 serial The Archers has fallen foul of the driving laws.

Listeners have heard how Tom Archer has opted for a driver improvement course rather that a court appearance after admitting careless driving.

Chief Inspector Ian Aspinall, national police liaison officer for driver improvement schemes, said he was "chuffed" that the makers of The Archers had decided to highlight the issue of driver behaviour.

"I'm not a regular listener but I'm aware of the storyline. A number of people have mentioned it to me," said Mr Aspinall, who works for Devon and Cornwall Police and is based in Exeter.

"I'm chuffed that a programme like this is highlighting the issue of driver behaviour. It can only be a good thing. A lot of people would benefit from a driver improvement scheme - regardless of whether they've committed an offence."

5 March 2007: Crisis as Cider Barn is Padlocked

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
March 5th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Crisis as Cider Barn is Padlocked
Ambridge faced a fresh crisis this week as Clarrie padlocked the Grundy's cider barn to prevent Eddie, who has entered a bet that he can stay off the booze for Lent, from having an illicit drink. Meanwhile takings at the Bull are believed to be significantly down after Lillian Bellamy undertook a similar pledge. Her partner, corrupt fat cat Matt Crawford, has padlocked the drinks cabinet, meaning that when it comes to booze it is one law for the rich and the poor in Ambridge. Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said, 'We don't doubt that drinking too much is bad for the health, and not something to be encouraged in the labour movement. At the same time not drinking at all and talking about it is also bad, at least for the mental health of Archers listeners.'

Once Again On Brian Aldridge
So Brian's angst about Ruairi, Siobhan and the future of the farm continues. It can't be a mid-life crisis because Brian is officially 63, although Brian's continued attempts to confide in him certainly isn't helping Daveed's genuine mid-life crisis as he tries to decide whether he lurves Roooth or a vintage tractor.

Life is Sweet and sour
Give the Archers credit when it is due. This could be the first time that there has ever been a dramatic storyline involving Swedes. Presumably, for aficionados of haggis and neeps the tainting of milk that is alleged to be taking place is simply making the bit a little sweet. Not at all the thing for a population bought up on sourness all these years clearly?

The real Borsetshire Echo: all the news of the class struggle
February 19th 2007 CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

Ambridge has last discovered climate change as scriptwriters work their way through the list of issues that will form Blair’s ‘legacy’ carefully avoiding as they always have, Iraq.

Nigel is worried about the impact climate change will have on tree life in the village and has determined to give up his car to make a personal contribution to attempts to address the crisis.

Concern has also been expressed about the air miles impact of goods that can be found in shops in Borchester, such as stripy shirts. Unfortunately the catchphrase ‘local shops for local people’ is already taken by another soap.

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said Of course there is the small matter of the amount of hot air that is already produced in Ambridge by the likes of Sid Perks. While Nigel is a somewhat surprising convert to green politics we reckon that if he grows a beard and starts reading the Guardian it might just work.

Elsewhere in Ambridge this week

+ Daveed is still reconstructing his tractor but finds time to sink some wine with Roooth on Valentine’s Day and agree that he still lurves her.
+ Emma has started at Brookfield, while Christopher has cleared off on holiday to Davos
+ Ian may take Borsetshire Blue at Grey Gables which should keep Prince Charles happy. Anyone for a local Ambridge micro-brewery?
+ Brian is still not getting on with Adam and is off to see Siobhan while hiding this point from Jennifer
+ The world has gone on much the same...